Sunday, September 9, 2012

"You have dirtied the whole floor again! Why do you always do that?"

As parents, arent we sometimes frustrated and have daily struggles to get our children to behave in a certain way ... the way society expects. Children and adults have conflicting needs.  Adults want cleanliness, order, courtesy while children are not too bothered about those things. They are busy being children!

I have to say, my husband constantly are up and arms with my boys on cleanliness and courtesy. The 2 Big Cs in my household.  The kids don't understand why he goes on about it. They abide by the requirements to prevent their father from getting ruffled and cross with them.

I set out to look for some reading material. And this is probably the best to described what is happening and what to do.

I love to hear parents give their views on this.

Have you heard parents speak to their kids this way:

Name calling - "you are a slob. what a dirty room. can't you clean it."

Threats - "If you don't do your homework, I am going to speak to the principal"

Commands - " Do your homework now"

Comparison - Lisa/Bob is so much clever/hardworking/pretier than you.  She/he has so much better manners

Lecturing - "Do you think it is a nice thing to do? You dont seem to realise the importance of manners"

Warnings - "Careful, what is wrong with you" You will be hit.

Prohecy - " Keep doing what you are doing. You will not get anywhere with that attitude"

These is actually verbal violence and abuse. It breaks their self esteem and creates bad feelings.

These are 5 ways to work with kids - pick the ones that work for you:

(i) Describe what you see or the problem.

e.g. There is a wet towel on the bed

It is easier to deal with a problem then with an accusation.

(ii) Give information

Give information that the child can work with. e.g. the towel is making my bed wet

(iii) Saying it to the point
Children dont like lectures and sermons. Shorter the better.

(iv) Talk about your feelings
Dont comment about the child's character or personality. e.g. I dont like slepping on a wet bed

(v) Write a note
My older son is into writing his feelings. I get him to write and i sometimes write him back.

I confess I am guilty of some of things. But sharing experiences help and and I tell my children to remind me or even tell me if my actions are unkind and hurtful. This, I hope shows that I respect them as being intelligent, sensitive and have their own character and feelings.

Interestingly, these are also good reminders for the work place!

I look forward to hearing your views on this topic in particular.

Happy teaching and cooking!

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